College dating rituals
“Ring by spring” is not encouraged in any official way, and it’s generally invoked with a heavy dose of derision. Stacy Keogh George has observed in a recent study, this dismissive humor belies a very real pressure felt by some students to measure success by finding a marriageable partner.
According to George, this “not-so-hidden culture” emphasizes engagement instead of “encouraging men and women of faith to live out their individual vocations, which may or may not include marriage.” In the fall of 2014, George gathered some initial data on students’ attitudes about “ring by spring.” The results of her study are forthcoming in .
Wade zeroed in on why dudes freak out and why women are so hard on themselves when they feel a thing — basically, students think that emotionless sex is the desired be?
Wade invokes the feelings of hearing your morning alarm, having your first sips of coffee, and other moments categorized as mundane; if we can feel something smelling a flower or indulging in comfort food, why would a sexual encounter be immune to emotion?
In this environment, hookups have become a form of social capital — a way to gain respect from peers.“Using indicators like hotness, blondness, fraternity membership, and athletic prowess, students form a working consensus about who is hook-up worthy, and that guides their decisions,” writes Wade.
I realized very quickly that Christian colleges are seen as a place for women to find their spouse.But that typically elicits emotions and appreciations for partners that I’ve had to keep to myself as part of hookup culture.I had never been able to find a middle ground between “I loooovvvvveeeee you and we’re gonna be together 4EVAH” and a shrug and a handshake while looking for my clothes.), and I engaged in frivolous trysts devoid of deeper meaning.It never occurred to me that the rules of hookup culture might have been holding me back from finding meaningful partnerships — but lately, I’ve started to wonder if they did.