Dating a narcissistic man

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For someone who has blocked their heart, to the point where they cannot connect to themselves, superficial functional connections are all that is possible though. It is impossible to love someone who will not let themselves be seen, even to themselves. Again, the idea that ‘if we just try hard enough, we will find a way to create authentic connection’, can keep us tied up in a relationship that really only revolves around functionality, but, like a quest for a holy grail, holds the unspoken promise of one day becoming a connection of unconditional love.For all practical purposes though, this is like trying to deeply connect to an appliance.For many reasons, that deeper connection to self can be absent.Simply put, due to a combination of severe trauma and a collection of beliefs that state that ‘facing the trauma will just make things worse’ someone can actually become completely cut off from their inner experiences. With such disconnection comes the inability to deeply connect to others.

Trying harder is not going to unlock the magic door to their unavailable heart.Yet at the same time, it can make us feel that, no matter how hard we try, we can’t really get through to or connect to the other person (which is true).We can come to believe that somehow, it is up to us to fix the relationship.Narcissists treat others like appliances, because that is as far as their own level of awareness about themselves goes.They are unavailable to us, because – in a deeper way – they are unavailable to themselves.

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