Girls dating men like their fathers speed dating aiken sc

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For example, if a little girl grew up with a mother who was always sad and the girl’s main role in the family was to be the joker always cheering Mother up, then that is the role she might seek to play with a partner.

She will seek someone who is moody and make it her job to cheer him up, even if it leaves her depleted and feeling trapped.

One of the things that can often come up in therapy and couples counselling is the realisation that we have married or are dating someone who is just like one of our parents.

It can feel a shock to the system and leave us dealing with a sense of embarrassment and shame. It’s inevitable that in one way or another we all choose partners like our mother or father.

But when it comes to the deeper patterns from our parents we are replicating within our romantic relationships- the ones that left unchecked can have us attracted to relationships that do us more harm than good- it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with roles.

It’s the strongest role we played with a parent, the one that had the biggest effect on our sense of self, that we tend to repeat with our romantic partners.

3) We seek the pain (or pleasure) we felt as a child.

Why would we date a partner who was angry like our father? Why would we marry someone who puts us in the same unhappy role that our parent did- the caretaker, the punching bag, the needy one? Most of the time this is not even a conscious choice, we just unconsciously gravitate to what we know.

That is why therapy is so important- it gives us an outside perspective that can gently help us see ourselves in a new way.

It can also help to remember that our parents were once children themselves, suffering their own set of issues with a mother and father. A lot of patterning we replicate from childhood with our partners involves shame and rejection and these two things are not easy to deal with by ourselves.

It’s in fact common to tell ourselves we have ‘figured it all out’ and ‘are fine now’ just so we can replicate the unhealthy pattern with another partner- shame and rejection can in their own way be quite addictive.

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